What wine goes with this here critter?

I've eaten critter.

It didn't occur to me until breakfast one morning with my then 5-year-old. I explained how bacon and sausage came from the animal, a conversation reminiscent of an episode of "The Simpsons."

She asked which animals I'd eaten and, after going through the main dinner entrees -- cow, chicken, turkey, pig and lamb -- I started in a list of critters.

To me, a critter is something not typically farm raised. As a son of the Nort'woods (God didn't give out h's in da Nort'woods) I've washed a few critters down my gullet.

So beyond the regular: deer, bear, raccoon, possum, rabbit, squirrel, elk, pheasant, duck and even sandhill crane (sausage from a friend who hunted in South Dakota).

"Dad," she said kind of shocked. "You've eaten the whole woods."

Indeed.

This came to mind recently in a Facebook entry from my friend Kirsten, who apparently passed so many roadkills she felt the need to sing a Mourners' Kaddish. You can follow her here http://buyza.blogspot.com/ and her cool sales shop here http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5371822

So what wines go with the whole woods?

With deer, depending on how it's prepared, I'd say a cabernet or pinot noir. You need something to stand up to what can be a gamey meet -- particularly if it's cut across the bone.

If you're eating raccoon or possum, you're likely quite drunk already. My rule is I'll try anything once. That explains certain scars, broken bones and facial tics. Raccoon and possum remain the most disgusting things I've ever put in my mouth. As they're critters that will eat anything, they taste like fetid garbage. Therefore, I'd suggest starting with a big peppery Zinfandel. Then cut that with some vodka. And nothing nice. Buy some Skol vodka, something you purchase by the gallon. The heat from crappy vodka will cut the garbage flavor and hopefully expunge the night's memories -- as well as several past marriages and a feeling like you failed to accomplish your goals in high school.

Rabbit is a delicacy in some places, but again it has a different taste that needs a bolder flavor like a oaky chardonnay. Squirrel, well, if you're eating squirrel, your favorite whine is, "Pa, I ain't be able to read." If you must, try a Riesling or Gewurztraminer -- both German varietals -- to go with squirrel and then keep repeating a phrase from the philosopher Sgt. Schultz: "I know nussing."

A bold white like a viognier would go well with pheasant but I'll always take a nice red with duck, something like a syrah (shiraz in Australia).

Finally, sandhill crane. A famous Wisconsin poacher once told my newspaper it "tasted like bald eagle." I don't know about that, but it taste like red meat. A cabernet or merlot would do well.

Thankfully I didn't begin to explain to my little girl how many sea critters I'd taken in -- but I don't look forward to trying krill.

Finally, I would avoid road kill. I've known people who don't mind it, but you can't find a wine that stands up to Firestone and asphalt. I've tried.

Restaurant that does wine right

I hate restaurants that have wine lists with bottles I'd find in the local grocery store -- at two to three times the price.

I hate restaurants that have a wines that don't match their menu.

I hate when I write, and I sound like a bad Andy Rooney. Why is that?

While running errands on a recent day off, I decided to have lunch out. As always, I looked for a locally run restaurant vs. a chain and I realized I hadn't been to Mezza in some time.

What started as a lark became great luck, as I had a wonderful lunch with a memorable wine experience. You can check out their Web site at: http://www.mezzarestaurant.net/home.html

Their wine list matched the food, which is described as Mediterranean fusion. And the wine list wasn't long. But it had a selection of Turkish, Lebanese and even a chenin blanc from India.

As my Nort'wood friends would say: "How frickin' cool."

I'd had a taste for chicken shawarma, an addiction formed at a little Middle Eastern restaurant I frequented in Lansing, Mich.

I asked for the Turkish wine, even if I wasn't eating Turkey -- or any other small country.

The Kavaklidere Emir de Nevsehir was a perfect accompaniment for a chicken heavily spiced and served with a beautiful hummus. The white wine mixed strong citrus and flower notes balanced by medium mineral tones. You could almost envision the rocky Turkish vineyard.

But the nice combination became an experience when the chef herself, Sarah, checked on me and we started talking wines. She let me taste two other whites, a Lebanese wine and the chenin blanc from India.

A chef who engages a cheap patron is a treasure.

She said she tries to find wines that surprise but still complement the food, which is a challenge because Mediterranean food usually has an array of spices.

That's what good restaurants, do, though. It's a mixture of a challenge -- in the form of offering unusual wines -- and comfort -- knowing what goes with the food while playing perfect partner.

Renwood 2002 Zinfandel Fiddletown

When I buy a Zinfandel -- and I'm talking a real Zin, not one of those syrupy sweet "white Zins" -- I'm looking for the big bold pepper and spice flavors.

This Renwood has it.

I bought the wine at a clearance price, about $13, because it could be on the edge of its viability -- not unlike me.

The wine was so rewarding, with some of the strongest pepper notes I've ever had in a wine, that I bought several more bottles to cellar.

Now all I need is a cellar.

The pepper flavor is matched by great spice flavors, some allspice, some cumin. And that weighs against nice underlying flavors of raspberry and citrus.

It's a great wine to play against big, bold flavors like barbecue.

Big House Red 2005

After my review of Big House Pink (see the manly man post), I received a note from friend Tom Wyatt on my Facebook account. We'd previously discussed vintner Bonny Doon and how it doesn't do anything poorly.

He also said that Big House Red was his favorite.

Clearly he has good taste, in both wine and friends. (I should note that Tom was a frat boy in college, where any fruit flavor of Mad Dog mixed with Sprite rated 90 points -- IQ points that is.)

Big House Red is meant to taste like a Rhone and it does so by mixing a strange concoction of grapes, so much so it's like reading the ingredient label on the Twinkies package.

But it achieves its complexity in this brew of many varietals, with a mineral and stony base that has bursts of berry flavors, including strong hints of sweet, wild strawberry. You can also glimpse some citrus notes and pepper underpinnings. (I had to wear pepper underpinnings to my English boarding school -- but that's another blog entirely.)

For about $9, it's hard to do better.

Goats do Roam 2005

Goats do Roam.

Get it?

It's supposed to sound like "Cotes du Rhone," the great French wine it's supposed to emulate.

Only it doesn't.

It tastes like your average consumer wine of today, using heavy tannins and little fruit to balance that is supposed to make it seem sophisticated. You can taste some blackberry and blueberry flavors but throughout it starts, moves and ends with that tannic taste that coats the tongue.

Goats do Roam, a South African wine, is only $11 a bottle but the vintners want it to taste more like the wines in the Cotes du Rhone appellation. Those wines vary in style and cost, but of the many French styles, you can get a Rhone wine at a good price that has great fruit flavors with enough structure to make it a great wine. In fact, if you're like me and learning about wines and want to learn French wines at good prices, the Rhone region is a great place to start.

For this price, you can do better.

Wine log vs. a wine blog

For years, I scoured book stores and Web sites looking for a nice log where I could store my notes on wine tasting and the occasional wine label.

That was before I became the online hepcat I am now.

The problem, for a cheap man, was all the logs were fancy-pants, leather-bound, formulated-to-death books. And they generally cost $30 or more and couldn't be added to if I exceeded the page count -- something I was likely to do.

Most to of them included spaces for entries I don't need: Bin number; cellar number; Cindy Crawford's phone number. Almost all had a little line asking with whom I enjoyed the wine. "Me, myself and I" might be funny the first 50 times, but after that ...

I finally realized I overthought the problem. So I bought one of those $7 journals at a chain book store -- I liked the style without lines -- and that's become my wine log.

I also tracked down an item called "Label Lift" by Oenophilia. These sticky, see-through pieces of plastic go over a wine label and a day later, essentially lift most of the layer of a label off the bottle. They work about 90 percent of the time -- which is more than me. You can find it online or at most large wine retailers. The downside: they cost about $10 for 10 stickers, a little pricey considering I prefer wines less than $10 a bottle.

But now I have my wine log, with limitless possibilities, and I saved up months of notes to start this here blog.

As the wine-loving philosopher J.D. Clampett would have it: "Weeeeeell doggy."

Conquista Malbec 2006

On my continuous search for great, cheap wines I had to travel (metaphorically) to South America, where I found Conquista Malbec for $9.

Technically, I stayed in Valparaiso, Ind., to buy the wine -- a savings on the pocket book. Plus the only Spanish I know is "Donde est el banio?" (Where is the bathroom?)

I enjoyed the find without suffering the same fate as two other intrepid searchers, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, who were gunned down like possums "what done someone wrong." (For more lyrics from "The Possum Blues," check out my fictitious music blog.)

I tried the 2006, although most reviewers have raved about this Malbec for the last five years.

Let it breathe a bit and the wine will start with big blueberry flavors that give way to oak and vanilla, all supported by a fine structure of tannins. (That's not to be confused with someone tannin' a loved one's hide.)

Those tannins continue through and the finish of the wine includes more fruit and some toast notes.

It's a remarkably sophisticated and well-balanced wine that will go with big-tasting foods like steaks, chops and Italian.

As the philosopher Butch Cassidy once said in a fictional movie: "You know, it could be worse. You get a lot more for your money in (South America), I checked on it."

Big House Pink 2005

First, understand that I'm a man. A manly man. James Brown and me. It's a man's world.

And understand I used to only drink reds or whites and the idea of some flashy pants rose or white zin or, God forbid, a pink wine, was beneath me.

Then I realized it's hard to get beneath my place in society -- a middle-aged dude who doesn't know much about wine but still drinks it.

But then, for a short time, I received this free report on my cell phone from Wine Enthusiast that emailed me the best-rated wines, and among the cheapest wines with the best scores (oh yeah, baby), they listed three from Bonny Doon:

-- Big House Red

-- Big House White

-- Big House Pink

Here's a $10 bottle that gets 90 points.

It mixes Sangiovese and Barbera with Fat Clemenza and Tattaglia the Pimp, as well as Petite Verdot and Gwen Verdon.

I think.

Well, having blown the rest of my money on Arby's, I spent my final 10-spot on some Big House Pink -- and it brought to light what a blush wine can do. (Which made me blush, by the by.)

I expected a cloying sweetness from start to finish, one that will give you gasps of coughing like Dr. Mucus Welby had made a visit.

And while this did start with a nice sweetness, it gave way to depth and structure. The sweet grapefruit flavors were balanced by some mineral flavors, along with vanilla and toast. It finished mostly with those mineral flavors so that your mouth isn't coated by sugars.

I enjoyed it with ham, which I think generally is a tough mix with most wine. They mixed perfectly, the slight sweetness played against the salt of the ham but it had enough structure and flavors behind it to compete.

I've always said that anything from Bonny Doon is good, but they've done well here, providing a true blush wine that has character -- for a wonderfully cheap price.

And I'm so cheap I spell it "cheeeeeeep." The more e's, the better.

You won't go wrong here and as summer advances, chill a bottle and take it along on a pic-a-nic.

Louis Jadot Beaujolais-Villages

The wine, made from gamay grapes has all the fun associated with this particular appelation controlee, with enough undertones of mineral to give it balance. It has fresh grape, grass and berry flavors with a hint of granite. Typically, my fear of lighter wines at good prices is an astringent aftertaste but this had none.

This is a wonderful wine to drink with light lunch or dinner and for about $10, a not-too-serious wine you can enjoy more than once.